i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
