My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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