You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
