I'm lost and stupid without you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
