Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
