i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
