In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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