I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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