Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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