So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
