Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
