i just had sex bonerless
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The adults are the big ones right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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