Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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