I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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