Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
