peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
