Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
