His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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