If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
