we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
