I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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