I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
