saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
