He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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