Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
