If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
