I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
