bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
