A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
