Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
