Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
