I want to stick my p in your. b.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
