Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
