Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
