Already got asked if we're dating
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
