I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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