But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
