my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
