I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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