My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
