Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
