well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
