someone get that fucking seahorse.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
