I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
