Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
