I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
