dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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