Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
