Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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