i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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