tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
