I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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